So I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs in this fitness journey. One week I feel unstoppable and the next I feel like I’ve made no progress. This is common for a lot of people because we see ourselves every-single-day. You may not be able to tell your thighs look leaner because you’ve been looking for drastic changes multiple times a day for weeks.
This past week has been eye-opening for me. I went home for Spring Break feeling decently good about how I looked and my progress. I went to lunch with a friend and he kept telling me how good I looked. Now to put it into perspective, this is a guy friend that knows I’ve been trying to get smaller and fitter so this compliment went a long way in my mind. If this friend (who I hadn’t seen in a year) could see a change in me, why didn’t I see and celebrate that change every morning?
Fast forward to yesterday. I took myself to the beach to relax before school starts up again. I was feeling pretty good in my bikini and decided to take some self-timer photos (sidenote: self-timer is game changing) of me in my bikini. When I looked at the photos my stomach knotted. Did I really still look like that? Why wasn’t my butt perfectly perky like all of the girls on Instagram? I work lower butt hard every week, do sprints, teach Zumba…why isn’t my butt more toned? I immediately got a complex about it. Wondering if my butt has always looked this gross or if this happened recently. I made a side by side pic stitch of my Instagram “goals” girl’s butt and mine that I’d taken a few hours prior. I was devastated. How did I not look like her? I work my ass off and eat healthy but why can’t I look like those perfect girls?
I calmed down, decided I’ll just have to work harder, and avoided a major breakdown. I then decided to find motivation. I went through all of my photos on my computer and selected about 30 old progress photos. (I have probably taken 100s of photos of myself in the past 3 years in bikinis, sports bras, etc all so I can track my progress (and of course show the crazy progress once I’ve reached my goals)). I made a least 10 pic stitches, all comparing where I am now, to where I have been. I was shocked. I went from – “oh my, did I really let myself get that bad?” to “wow, it’s really been working”.
I think the hardest thing for me to accept on this fitness journey is that I’ve been working on this for years and I still haven’t gotten where I want to be. I have to remember – what works for someone else might not work for me. I don’t have the body type or genetics where I can eat healthy and go to the gym 3 times a week and drop weight. Damn I can’t even hit the gym 6 times a week, eat healthy and drop weight. I have to kick my ass and stay kicking my ass just to shed a few pounds. But you know, that’s okay. Well it’s not okay but I’m going to accept it. This journey is a constant challenge for me, but it’s going to bring me so much more pride in the end.
So no, I don’t have the perfect body, but what I do have is drive, determination and passion for this journey. I will never give up on these goals and even if I never meet them – I will learn to love myself more and more as this journey progresses.
Here are some photos to celebrate the strength and self-love I have gained during my fitness journey…(hover for captions!)
Remember- love yourself, work for what you want, never give up and live a healthy and happy life!